


Elation

by kornevable



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Alternate Universe, Friendship, Gen, Natsume Yuujinchou Secret Santa 2018, Youkai!Natsume
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-09-30 23:13:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17232962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kornevable/pseuds/kornevable
Summary: The new year is a festive period--Natsume watches the humans expressing their joy, and meets a strange boy.





	Elation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This was written for tumblr user @silverbackedmirror as part of @natsume-ss! I couldn't fit a youkai!Natsume in the canon without making it angst, so I settled for an AU.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

This year too the town is bustling and more alive than he's ever seen it be.

He likes the warm colors and the sweet scent of the food; he likes reaching out to the aura surrounding people and grasping at tiny snowflakes of joy, melting into his body and filling him with equal happiness. It's a peaceful and festive period for humans, barely tainted with their daily worries. Natsume likes it.

On the first day of the new year, all the people in the town go to the biggest temple and pray. He doesn't hear their wishes but the thoughts of them tickle his ears and sing at his heart—they all want something specific, for themselves and for those who are dear to them. He wonders what it's like, to be constantly worrying about someone or to be nagged by someone else; humans live short life, and that's certainly why they spend a good half of it doing crazy or weird things. It's amusing and interesting to watch.

The smoothness of the bad fortunes' white paper feels rigid between his fingers, somehow. Whether they truly absorb the bad fortune they predict, Natsume isn't sure, but he knows that some benevolent youkais are trying to manifest luck in their hands for the humans. Natsume isn't one who can wish such things upon people, youkai or human—his acquaintances tell him he's only strong, and if that is the most nondescript adjective one can have, then so be it. Sensei is strong too, after all.

There are dozens of people in the temple grounds, hands joined together or kneeling at the side, making a crowd that drowns out individual thoughts and noises. And because of that, Natsume is all the more aware of a pair of eyes following every one of his steps. He stands still, surveying the space with wariness (he shouldn't mingle with humans), and when he spots a young man both lost and focused, he narrows his eyes. It's a teenager, still going to school, his aura swirling with stress and exhaustion.

There is the whisper of a curious inquiry directed at him, which is odd. Intriguing. Natsume moves closer to the human, careful not to bump into anyone, and the more he approaches, the less the human seems to focus on him, but rather on the headache he's nursing. There is nothing apparent, but the wince and the emanation of pain from him are enough for Natsume to tell.

He's a strange boy, he thinks. Then, he glances around him, like he's checking nobody is listening to his words, and whispers, “Are you a spirit?”.

Natsume stares. Sensei told him there are humans with the ability to sense and see youkais, but he never thought he'd meet one in this small town—this type of humans seems to be fleeting, only passing from city to city, too busy to stop and properly talk to the youkais. Not that Natsume particularly wants to, but he's...curious.

“Can you see me?”

Natsume waits for an answer, but when the silence stretches and nothing on the boy's face indicates any kind of understanding, he sighs. So much for that. If he uses his powers to make himself visible, he will startle everyone in his vicinity, but if he doesn't, the boy might lose interest and go somewhere else. Now he remembers why Sensei advised him not to bother with them.

So he chooses to stay in the shadows, observing as usual, keeping an eye on the boy should he decide to pursue a conversation. The temple grounds have plenty of trees to hide behind.

“That's the priest's son! The one who tries to see us!”

“Yeah, his powers are weak but he tries to use them, even if he doesn't know how to!”

“Did you see that one time he was staring straight at me but never could tell I was right there?”

“Humans are so stupid!”

Two youkais, one with a fox face and another with a rabbit's, talk animatedly a few meters away, gossiping behind the cuffs of their yukatas and watching the humans come and go. Natsume files the information away in his mind—a boy who barely had enough powers to know that there are spiritual phenomena around him? He's definitely curious, now. Judging by the squinting and the trembling of his words, he's not used to them yet despite nearing adulthood. But if he can't be in contact with youkais at all, that would explain a lot.

Natsume steps forward, towards the big bells and its box full of coins. Throwing in money is supposed to give strength to your wish, from what he gathered—like an offering to a god. Natsume would tell them if he could that gods don't really care about human money, and they'd have better chances at being heard if they give fruits or any items of value. Humans are wasting their precious resources for a useless belief.

He stands next to the boy, who is staying away from the crowd and keeping watch. Maybe he has already prayed for his wish, or maybe he doesn't have one. Natsume peers at him but can't get a good read on him, with his slight frown from pain and his general faded aura that only lets through his quiet sadness. Emotions are tricky, though, and there are chances that Natsume perceives them wrong—he's not human, after all, and their own feelings can't be compared.

There is visible discomfort on the boy's face, raising a hand to his head, eyes flicking from right to left, looking for something he can't see, but understands. Natsume watches him.

“What would you do if you could see? What knowledge and purpose would that give you?”

He has yet to associate the names of Seeing people with something happy or relaxing. They've all led a recluse life, away from people too different from them despite sharing the same blood or the same goals; they've all come to a point where they accepted youkais as their sole companion for the rest of their lives—and that would be stretching things, in some cases, more often than not.

The wind softly blows, coated with all the joy and the excitement of the celebration of the new year, and then Natsume catches a wisp of the boy's quiet disappointment, so recognizable by its power and its nature, despite the fact the two of them don't know each other. They don't know each other, but the boy is earnest, true to his feelings. Sensei always complains about Natsume's tendency to jump into every bizarre and fascinating-looking situations without thinking first.

To be fair, Natsume always thinks _about_ the situation—maybe not so much about the consequences.

“Don't freak out.”

The warning may be useless, but he can pretend it makes him feel better. Natsume is an ordinary youkai with no special powers that puts him above the others; however, his tremendous amount of magic gives him the ability to wield it at will, in any shape he desires, and that's where his strength lies, why so many of them fear him. He wears a coat of magic like he's putting on a mask to hide his identity.

He at least has the presence of mind to gradually pour out his magic; his body slowly appears, revealing a grey yukata way too thin for this cold weather, and his pale hair and eyes probably stand out too much but he's not worried about it. The boy violently startles, taking a step to the side and letting out a cry, attracting a few glances that don't linger. Natsume blinks lazy eyes.

“You were searching something. You look...scared.”

The boy is taller than Natsume, but his face is young, features not fully drawn and an expression of surprise that can only belong to the inexperienced. His black hair is untamed and makes him look like a disheveled person, and his eyes are bright and wide. Natsume can't blame him for staring, since he did appear out of nowhere and is now striking up a conversation that shouldn't occur.

“I just want to talk a bit, that's all.” He smiles, and extends a hand. “You can call me Natsume. Nice to meet you.”

The boy keeps looking at him with uncertainty and suspicion, hands firmly tucked against his sides like a protection and his eyes sharp to attention. Natsume knows it won't be easy to break the barrier; humans are so fast to frighten.

“I was simply drawn to the festival you're holding every year,” he says, lowering his hand and trying not to feel too disappointed. “Everyone looks happy, and everything feels nice. It's pleasant to be around the temple at this time of the year.”

As if to prove his point, a breeze of unrestrained familial love blows nimbly at him. He smiles in contentment.

The boy is still silent, but he's not as wary now, his shoulders relaxing and his eyes shifting from cautious to scrutinizing. He looks at the temple a few meters away, as if to seize the mood himself.

“You're here every year?” he asks instead in a small voice.

Natsume beams. “Yes. Humans can't see us, so I can walk around and observe what they're doing. I can feel their joy.”

The boy nods, and he finally stands straighter, more confident, even if the edges of his voice aren't smoothed out.

“I'm Tanuma. Sorry for treating you like that, you have to understand that it's...unusual.”

“It's fine. I was expecting you to be more frantic, actually.”

Tanuma winces just the slightest, and he chuckles weakly.

“Well, you did surprise me, but everything around me has always been weird, so I guess I became a bit immune to it.”

Natsume raises his eyebrows at this piece of information. “You are sensitive to the youkais, it seems. You can feel them, but not see.”

It would explain why the temple also had a different kind of feel to it; if the boy has some powers, even as weak as they are, then there must have been a few powerful people in his family in the past, and this strength blessed the temple even more. It's not uncommon for youkais to be drawn to these places.

Tanuma sighs and passes a hand through his hair, clearly upset by this. “It's actually a good thing you decided to appear in front of me, now I know I'm not going crazy.”

“People who can see are becoming fewer. I understand your frustration.” And as an afterthought, “But maybe it's better that way. If humans can't see us, then there must be a reason. Too many malicious youkais can take advantage of your hearts.”

It feels strange to talk about it with someone that isn't a friend or another youkai. Natsume is known as the weird one who takes an interest in humans like someone who would take an interest in painting—who in their right mind would like humans enough to actively watch and learn about them?

“When I was small, the parents of my classmates would tell stories about evil spirits and youkais to keep us from getting into trouble,” Tanuma says. “It scared me because I knew there was _something_ around me, but couldn't tell the others what I sensed. But there was one time, I think, they helped me going home when I got lost.”

There is a small smile on his face as he turns fully to face Natsume. “I believe there are good and bad youkais, like there are good and bad humans. That's why I want to try seeing them.”

Natsume resists the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose. A stupid human with a good heart. Their ability to think with their emotions is exactly what he respects and admires in them, but sometimes, it's complete foolishness.

“The bad outweighs the good,” Natsume tells him. “I'm friendly because I like humans. But I know a lot of others who hate them and will eat one just because they were standing there.”

“If we are afraid of everything in life, then we can't keep going.”

Natsume stares at Tanuma with open disbelief. “You are strange.”

Tanuma laughs, clear and free. “So I've been told.”

The cheerful ringing of the bells is sounding, accompanied by the soft clattering of coins hitting the box. The wind is gentle, and even the cold doesn't dampen its mood. Natsume is at a loss for words before a human so open yet so guarded.

“We don't see the passing of time the same way, so the new year is only celebrated because the humans do it,” he explains. An image of Sensei guzzling down sake springs to mind. “Well, that's mostly people drinking and singing off tune.”

This draws another laugh from Tanuma. “It's not that different from us. Adults drink, we sing, pray, make mochi, clean the house, and send postcards.”

“Postcards?”

_That's_ why there seems to be an increase of delivering at the start of the year.

“Yeah, we wish good things to our friends and family for the new year. It's just tradition.”

“It's a good tradition. Humans care a lot for each other.”

Tanuma absentmindedly hums in agreement. There is a crease in his aura, one that settled there a long time ago. Natsume can't read it; everything about this boy is muddled, an intricate puzzle of emotions arrayed with care and shifting only for specific moments. There is probably a story behind this postcards tradition.

Natsume finds himself powered by his own feelings.

“Writing postcards seems fun. I don't have many friends to send to, but I can write one for you.”

Boldness isn't a trait he displays often, surprising himself when he does dare put his thoughts into action. It catches Tanuma's attention in the most whiplash way, his face twisting into a shocked expression. Natsume grins.

“Starting the new year with a new friend is something to celebrate, right? I can't always stay in visible form, so it might be easier to communicate with letters. What do you say?”

He isn't sure his letters will be visible, but if they are suffused with enough energy, maybe they will remain so for a long time. He has never thought about forming a lasting friendship with a human in this fashion, or to initiate the contact with someone who doesn't even fully comprehend the world he can touch, but he will do his best not to ruin this opportunity. Sensei won't be happy, though.

Tanuma shifts from one foot to the other, frown deepening as he considers the offer. Natsume is the first youkai he sees, after all, and with the warning he was given, it's only natural he hesitates getting involved. Perhaps Natsume shouldn't have said anything at all about the dangers of their world.

“I...would like that, yes,” Tanuma finally replies, resolve slowly seeping back into his aura. A sheepish smile tugs at his lips. “I'm not offered the opportunity to talk with youkais every day.”

“That's true,” Natsume chuckles. “Don't worry. If I wanted to do you harm, I wouldn't have revealed so much about myself or the youkais. And I can guarantee you the others won't hurt you either.”

That does sound like empty words, especially since his kind has been known for deceiving their targets and those who don't meet their standards. He can't provide much more—lies are necessary when the situation calls for them, but this isn't one, and he wouldn't gain anything from it.

Tanuma, however, takes it at face-value. His smile is more genuine, and his whole face lost the tensed features it was harboring. Trust does wonders to someone.

“Thank you,” he says gratefully. “It still seems kind of surreal, and maybe I'll wake up with the memory of a dream, but for now, it means a lot.”

“I'm real, and this is real,” Natsume asserts. He raises a hand and gently squeezes Tanuma's shoulder. “This makes me glad.”

A gambit on the off chance they'll find common ground—Natsume believes he made the right choice, despite what he was taught and what he was led to accept. He believes that Tanuma's smile holds more power than it lets on, and for the first time since they started talking, his emotions envelop him with a comforting and warm feeling.

It's not goodbye.

* * *

 

_Dear Tanuma,_

_I hope you are well. Today is the second day of the new year, I'm sorry I haven't written to you sooner—I admit I wasn't sure what I wanted to say. Sensei (a friend of mine, a big wolf-like youkai who likes to sleep and eat and drink) told me I should simply write what comes to mind, and usually I don't follow this kind of advice, but I found that it was quite efficient._

_I wish you good luck for your studies. May you find yourself at peace with your unique powers. Stay in good health, and don't hesitate to seek me out if you need any remedies._

_It feels a bit short, but I hope it's only the beginning of a long exchange. What did you mean by cleaning the house for the new year?_

_Waiting for your response,  
_ _Natsume_

 


End file.
